Kinetic Sculpture Race
P.L.A.T.Y.P.U.S. at the Boston Street water entry
Special Rules & Awards
For optional collection of additional valuable advantages (usually a time bonus) non-powering humans (ages 18-100*; with a minimum weight per barnacle of 93 pounds) can be carried aboard on a specially designed "seat" and may essentially be a "passenger" throughout the entire course. Barnacles may not be substituted and must sign the entry and waiver form. Barnacles may not in any way assist in the movement or propulsion of the sculpture and must stay seated while "clocked in" on the course. The Barnacle may direct and encourage the pilots by yelling and being an annoying backseat nudge, but must refrain from using really bad, ugly words.
*Barnacle under 18 requires a notarized waiver.
THE INEVITABLE EVENTUALITY RULE
In the event the Official Race Course must be altered while the Race is in progress, Diverted Sculptures will receive an appropriate time adjustment (positive or negative) by an Race Official. If the detour is essentially the same as the closed route, then let's forget the whole thing! In the event of a course change, course closures, or difficult timing problems, etc., Pilots must obey all alternative rules, timing, and course changes set into motion by Race Officials.
THE ACE AWARD
The ACE Award is the most prestigious individual honor a racer can garner. This prize is a special hand-made medal (think Congressional Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, and Einstein Genius Knights of the Round Table Award). Many of the machines and Pilots that race in other parts of the world, do so only for this award and eschew any other glory or honors. A Pilot who obtains this medal has conquered not only a race course, but his machine, and himself.
When an ACE Pilot enters a room all must stand to give honor to his or her status and must be addressed as "Most Visionary Professor." When you as a spectator look at the racers, pay close attention to their race medals, and the ones that have the word ACE are indeed a special breed, for if you were to offer them money they would decline your most generous offer (unless it was for a whole lot of money).
To become an ACE, your sculpture must be ridden by all of its Pilots at all times over the entire course (See rule Armand's Arm and Leg Law) Prior to the start of the Race all Sculptures desiring to race under ACE conditions must pass an "Ace Candidacy Test" to determine the ACE-ability of the Sculpture. This inspection will take place prior to the brake test inspection. Potential ACE Sculptures will be examined, pinched, poked, twisted, and otherwise tormented by our select team of ACE De-terminators who will judge true eligibility.
Racers must declare the intention to compete in this category on the Race Entry Application in order to be considered to try for ACE status. If you decided NOT to declare your Sculpture in this category, or don't qualify, you will have 1 hour added to your overall course time.
FAILURE TO ACE, OR GROUNDS FOR LOSS OF ACE STATUS:
- Not applying for, and/or declaring an intention to ACE on entry form
- Failure to pass the "ACE Candidacy Test"
- Banishment (for any reason)
- Failure to adhere to the following rules:
- SPECIAL REGULATION: The Inevitable Eventuality Rule (altering of course)
- A No.1. Hobart's Law of Kinetics (non-human propulsion)
- 1b. Geometric New Math Pre-Calculus Law of Proportions (the sculpture is too big!)
- 2C. Self Explanatory Explanation Regulation (unsafe sculpture)
- 1+. Personal Security Rule
- 2B. Or Not to Be
- 2big2b4gotten. Pack Mule Rule (failure to retain mandatory equipment on board)
- 5. Rosie Ruiz Rule (off the Official Course)
- 6. Armand's Arm and Leg Law (an assisted water entry or exit, gadgets)
- 7.007. Real Thing/Right Stuff Rule (unauthorized use of relief Pilots)
- 7 1/2. The Agony of De Feat (you got towed)
- Go2. No Pushing
- 2go go. Variation on No Pushing (unlawful pushing)
- 8ball. 8% Total Body Wetness Rule (8% plus wetness)
- 8. Drunk, Drank, Still Drinking Rule (consumption or use of alcohol or drugs while on course)
THE VERY COMPETITIVE
NON-COMPETITIVE CATEGORY OF AWARDS
The Mediocre Award
Awarded to the Sculpture and pilot finishing in the middle. At The World Championship in Ferndale, California, you would win a very mediocre classic car, like a 1957 Rambler, which is, in fact, a really nice mediocre prize. But in the Baltimore East Coast National Championships you are guaranteed to win a really mediocre prize.
The Spirit of the Glorious Founder Award
Granted by the Glorious Founder of the Kinetic Sculpture Race, Hobart Brown, who with his infinite wisdom and mysterious means known only to him, chooses the most worthy winner.
The Next to the Last Award
Awarded to the Sculpture and Pilot finishing, well, next to last. That way the end of the race can get pretty exciting. Worst Honorable Mention Lowest Award known to human kind. This is given to the Sculpture whose half-baked theoretical "engineering" did not deter its Pilot from the challenge of the race.
The Golden Dinosaur Award
Awarded to either the first Sculpture to "breakdown" or the "most memorable breakdown."
Best Pit Crew
Awarded and judged by various Officials, and has no real criteria (which reflects the wisdom of Pilots in choosing a pit crew, or conversely, the wisdom of some Pilots' "friends" in volunteering to be the pit crew.)
Awarded by the The Fashion Police who keep the criteria a closely closeted secret.
Pilots' Choice Award
Awarded to the Pilot receiving the most votes from his fellow Pilots.
Golden Flipper Award
Awarded to the Sculpture with the most interesting water entry.
THE VERY VERY COMPETITIVE COMPETITIVE CATEGORY
Grand Overall East Coast National Champion
The Grand Overall East Coast National Champion must ACE the course. The award is determined by Mysterious Mathematical Means which include a point scoring system based on artistic merit, engineering prowess, and blinding speed of the Sculpture. The Sculpture with the highest average score in art, engineering, and speed is the Grand Champion. In the case that the Grand Champion has the highest score in any of the three categories of art, engineering, or speed, then the lesser art, engineering, or speed prize is forfeited in favor of the BIG ONE, to share the Glory, and not hog all the biggest prizes!
The Art Award
Awarded by the Art Judges. Category includes consideration of color, costumes, two and three dimensional "artistic designs," kinetic motion, humor, theatrical appeal, and mass crowd- and media glory-seeking.
The Engineering Award
Awarded by the Engineering Judges. Category includes consideration of ingenious conquering of course obstacles through Sculpture design as well as any ingenious facet of the design that functions in a truly unique or Glorious Manner.
The Speed Award
Awarded to the Sculpture and Pilot with the fastest elapsed course time after any time-penalty infractions have been added.
Pilot - One who propels or guides a Sculpture
Kinetinaut - Pilot
Contraptioneer - Kinetinaut
Ace - Most Esteemed Pilot; addressed by all as Most Visionary Professor
Pit Crew - One who assists a Sculpture
Peasant - One who assists a Pilot or Pit Crew member; Atmosphere
Peon - Peasant or Costumed Cheerleader; Atmosphere
Pixie - "Politically Correct" designation for peasant or peon
Barnacle - One who adds weight to but does not assist in the propulsion or guidance of a Kinetic Sculpture vehicle
HSC - Homemade Sock Creature