Kinetic Sculpture Race
It is indeed a privilege to be a Spectator during the Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race! As a Spectator, you have the responsibility to contribute to the Grandeur and Glory of The Great Race. To aid you in fulfilling your duties during this momentous event, the following suggestions as to equipment and clothing have been prepared.
SPECTATOR EQUIPMENT LIST
To be used for cheering intrepid pilots to Glory.
For recording these Glorious and Historic Events.
For observing competition over the heads of intervening bystanders.
4. Folding Chair
For comfort during this Glorious Event and for standing on to see over crowds.
5. Small American Flag or some Other Friendly Nation's Flag
To be waved vigorously during dramatic events and when photographed by the media.
6. Nutritious Bag Lunch
Preferably purchased at one of the many nearby Baltimore establishments that you should patronize, as your Kinetic Sculpture Race Spectator Duty, since they have to work instead of having fun like you.
7. Cardboard Grin
To be worn whenever personal misery prevents smiling.
8. Copy of the Official Spectator Rule Book
Includes your own 20/20 Power Viewing Telescope* (Roll up Official Rule Book. Look through hole.) and your Colorful Sun Visor Kit **(Hold Official Rule Book firmly on forehead to block out sun.) * **Free with every Official Spectator Rule Book, compliments of the management.
In case of inclement sun.
OFFICAL SPECTATOR DRESS REGULATIONS*
- Official Race T-shirt Collectibles!
- Knickers It's time for them to re-emerge as a fashion statement.
- White Gloves White gloves are quite regal.
- Race Cap Just because.
- Foul Weather Gear In case of inclement sun, we'll race anyway.
- Small Backpack For carrying emergency supplies and Nutritious Bag Lunch.
- Extra Socks Colors should NOT match.
*Remember, the fashion police are everywhere. Don't get ticketed!
OFFICIAL SPECTATOR CODE OF CONDUCT
- Hands, equipped with white gloves (Fashion item #3 above), should be waved VIGOROUSLY overhead whenever viewing Kinetic Sculptures or when on camera.
- Tall Spectators must take care to stand in back row when witnessing Glorious Events. On no account should Spectators throw their bodies in the path of oncoming Sculptures.
- Cardboard Grin must be worn at all times when personal misery or state of mind interferes with maintaining a normal happy smile.
- Be sure to remove lens cap from camera before serious picture taking.
- Eat a good breakfast for extra stamina for the day's rigorous events.
- Littering, if it fits your character, is OK. However, see rule #10.
- Refrain from pushing or otherwise assisting Sculptures while Race Officials are watching.
- Do not tie up Port-a-Potties in order to apply makeup or to eat lunch or to escape inclement weather.
- You are a Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Spectator Ambassador to the World. Remember that local, national, and international cameras are on you (your mother is watching). It is your Kinetic Duty to represent our Glorious City with Dignity and Distinction.
- At the end of the day, Spectators shall pick up their own litter and the litter of others, depositing same in suitable receptacles. Kinetic Sculpture Race Officials, Pilots, Pit Crew, Barnacles, and Spectators are very tidy people. Furthermore, this is the only Glorious City we've got to race in. If you are derelict in your Spectator Duties, this Glorious race will be banished from this Glorious Kingdom of Baltimore.