THE TEN OFFICIAL & VERY SIMPLE
KINETIC SCULPTURE RACE RULES
A No.1. HOBART’S LAW OF KINETICS
Sculptures must be human-powered! No pulling, pushing, paddling, or other propulsive method is allowed except by Official Pit Crew and Pilots (sometimes called Kinetinauts). For non-propulsive purposes, stored energy is allowed. For propulsive purposes, any energy storage system requires advance approval by the Race Director, who will evaluate safety to all participants and spectators. Kinetinauts must propose and perform an iron-clad demonstration to the engineering judges that the system contains no energy at the starting line, and during the race all energy accumulated must be generated by human physical effort. It is legal to get assistance from the natural power of water, wind, sun, and gravity and friendly extraterrestrials.
A1a. LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS RULE
All Official Pilots, Pit Crew, and Barnacles in the race must accept and sign the waiver of all responsibility (Waiver Of All Responsibility Form). #1. IRS RULE Entry forms, waiver sheets and entry fees must be turned in by the proper deadline in order to receive any fringe benefits, like official stuff you need for the race.
1b. GEOMETRIC NEW MATH PRE-CALCULUS LAW OF PROPORTIONS
Each Sculpture must be no more than 8 feet wide, 13 feet high and 35 feet long while on the road or highway
1+. PERSONAL SECURITY RULE
Each Sculpture must carry at all times 1 comforting item of psychological luxury heretofore referred to as the “Homemade Sock Creature” (HSC). Homemade Sock Creature must be made in a home, from a not-too-recently-worn sock from the home, and resemble a creature homemade from a sock. (penalty: 1 hour)
2B. OR NOT TO BE
You may not start the race until you have passed THE Official Safety Inspection! Inspections will be handled by the Baltimore City Police Department, Baltimore City Fire Department, Dock Master, Ramp Master, Kinetic Kops, and/or the Kinetic Safety Check Committee, all of whom are tough cookies. Inspections will also be conducted at the water entry, and as needed along the race course.
The following SAFETY EQUIPMENT must be on board at all times.
Citations will be issued for lost equipment! (penalty: 1 hour)
Approved warning TRIANGLE
12”x12” Coast Guard approved LIFE PRESERVER, one for each person on board the sculpture in the water
Operable and functioning BRAKES
Affixed TOW RING, attached firmly to the front of the Sculpture close to the center, strong enough to heave the entire sculpture through and out of the water, mud, and other terrain
When your sculpture is on the water, 25 feet of TOW ROPE strong enough to pull your sculpture from the water must be readily accessible on the sculpture or in possession of a pit crew member stationed on the ramp or pier.
Drinking WATER (1 quart per pilot)
PADDLE or OAR
FIRST AID KIT containing band-aids and antibacterial cream or wipes
A CELL PHONE ready to receive urgent race-related calls—for which the number must be given to the race director
Each Pilot must have available an approved bicycle HELMET on the Sculpture. At your own risk, you may wear other PROTECTIVE HEAD GEAR including hard hats or batters’ helmets during the race.
2 +or-. TWO’S COMPANY RULE
Each Sculpture must have 1 or more Pilots. Each Pilot must have 1 human Pit Crew member. Each Sculpture may have up to 1 human Barnacle.
2.1 I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON LAW OF NATURE
All Law Enforcement orders must be followed in cases of hazardous conditions.
2bad. I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON LAW OF THE ROAD
All Law Enforcement orders must be followed and all Sculptures must follow the rules of the road. A Maryland Vehicle Code Violation resulting in a citation issued by an official law enforcement agent also carries a Kinetic penalty. (penalty: 1 hour)
2big2b4gotten. PACK MULE RULE
All special terrain equipment must be on board the Sculpture at all times. (penalty: 2 hours)
2C. SELF-EXPLANATORY EXPLANATION REGULATION
Your Sculpture must not be dangerous or harmful to yourself or anything else in the world. Projectiles such as arrows, anchors, and grappling hooks fall into this category and are not allowed.
2D or not 2D. MOM’S HIGH ANXIETY RULE
Make sure you can get out of your Sculpture in an emergency. Each Pilot must have a quick exit path. In addition, life jackets must be worn while on the water! You will not be allowed to begin a water crossing unless you are wearing a life jacket.
Go2. NO PUSHING AT START REGULATION
The Kinetic Sculpture race begins at AVAM with a LeMans start. Pit Crews or spectators are not to assist Pilots at the start. (penalty: 1 hour)
2go go. VARIATION ON A THEME OF NO PUSHING REGULATION
No pulling or pushing on Race course allowed except by Official Pit Crew and Pilots. Exception: in any Official-designated Push/Rope areas.
2 4/3. POETIC KINETIC LICENSE
Your Official Kinetic License Plate must be visible on your Sculpture at all times. The name of your Sculpture should be visible to spectators, the major TV networks, local TV Crews, glossy magazine writers, Kinetic Kops, Officials, Posse, and Judges.